july 3rd, 8 pm (2004)

I'm sitting in the backyard watching the laundry dry and smoking another cigarette. I was gonna quit when R left town, but I'd had two that day already when I remembered, so I said what the hell. I have two left after this one; we'll see where I stand after those.

I was wanting this journal to be a writing journal, to help me work on my writings, my novel, my stand-up, whatever. And I guess it's not too late for that. I'm on page 3 and there are about a million pages in this journal, so there's still time. Yesterday while I was cleaning the one house I clean on Russell Street I kept coming up with funny things and paused in my work to write them down. What I don't want is to have stuff written on loose pieces of paper all over the place.

The last two days have been crazy busy. Right now I can't wait to take a shower. I can't decide if I want to go out - perhaps to the drag show at the Chute, or maybe for a drink at the Gas Chamber (since the drag show starts so late and I have to be at church in the morning at 8:30) - or if I just want to stay in and watch TV. Or maybe write. I was heading out this morning with a bad sinus headache to walk Jesse to Bongo East, but realized in the front yard that I had to go pick up the Bugtussle produce, so we went there, then I dropped S's share off with him and the three of us went to Bongo Java on the West Side and had coffee and muffins. Then Jesse and I came home - stopping at the Turnip Truck for laundry detergent, carrots to juice and half and half - and washed load after load of laundry. R likes to do laundry after dark, to save the planet's water reserves, but I have a hard time coordinating that sometimes. In between loads I washed vegetables, cleaned out the refrigerator, made banana raisin bread, blanched squash, green beans and greens and froze them, mowed the front lawn, divvied up the lasagna G gave S and me after the concert last night, and froze the individual sized servings, and took Jesse to the dog park.

G2 never called, so I guess he's not interested in hanging out (or whatever) with me. Oh, well.

Friday was equally hectic. I thought I was gonna work at Co. in the afternoon, after I cleaned house, but had fogotten S's and my plan to rehearse before the house concert at the GS's. The concert went really well; I do love singing with S, and I'm gonna miss him terribly when he moves to California (in August or September).

R called at some point during the day Friday, but I missed the call. I don't miss him as desparately as I did the last time he left me here and went on the road. Our relationship has settled quite a bit since then, or I have, and he left me with Jesse this time, so I have a lot more responsibilities this time, I guess. I felt like a fucking housewife today, and I feel for those women (and men) who always have to do the job I've done the last couple of days.

Oh, yeah, I also picked beans out of the garden today, and I made some awesome salsa...

Okay, the light is almost gone; my eyes are straining. I'm gonna pull in the laundry, make the bed, fold and hang the things that need to be folded or hung, and decide what's next - after a hot shower.