august 8th, sunday, 12:23 a.m. (2004)

I don't know what I'm doing here. I've never done anything like this before, and I'm thinking of a new career. I mean, I have done something like this, just not stand-up.

My name is JDJB. When I was little everybody called me Jaybird. And then, when I was in the eighth grade, kids started calling me Gaybird. So after that I insisted on being called J. But it never took. My Aunt S called me J the longest, but people started calling me Jay, and then it got back around to Jaybird again.

I was traumatized by being called Gaybird for many years. It's part of why I'm here now and why I look like this.

After my father died, I met TK face-to-face. He said he was sorry to me, about my father's death. If he wasn't such a babe jock I would've said, "Don't be sorry; you didn't do it." Which was kind of a smart-ass thing to say, but I also believed it was somewhat true, because I believed I was responsible for my daddy's death. Dum-dum-dummm!

TK was popular beyond comprehension, and his daddy was dead, too, and his momma worked with my momma at JCPenney's, and I'm sure his momma told TK to walk up to geeky little tuba-playing Gaybird and say "I'm sorry your dad is dead. Mine is too. Let's be friends." But all he managed was "Sorry about your dad." And when he talked to me, he looked into my eyes and I saw life. Life with a capital L. And when I was feeling down after that day that TK looked intomy my eyes and said "Sorry about your dad," I could feel TK's face in mine. Like it was right behind my face, and I could push it out, and I could see the world through TK's eyes. It's like I sucked in some of his DNA with my eyes.

In the next phase of my life, I'm going to look at where I came from and try to make a career out of sharing that with audiences. If you'd like to join me on this journey, I welcome you along. "I am God's Little Miracle."