first blush

I got an email from someone who shall remain nameless. This person read something I wrote about them in my blog and was upset by what I wrote. I didn't use this person's name, but was voicing fears about what exactly our relationship was. This person was understandly upset, and I sent an apology email and hope it will in some way make things a little clearer. I looked back over the entry I wrote and in it (I believe) I had clearly stated that these feelings I was writing about were my inner fears. It was really a blog about my insecurities more than it was about this person. For the most part, that's all this blog is. Of course, the fact that a friend of this person "stumbled upon" my blog and reported it had an effect on the email I was sent. I'm more used to an "open book" kind of life than most people, I guess, but that doesn't excuse me.

This has happened before. I have found out after the fact that somebody I've been writing about has been reading my blog. It seems to get to a point -- or it did for this other person I'm now thinking of -- that they had to bring up the fact that they knew that I was writing about them before it got too late. Whatever that means, "too late." This second person I'm thinking of and I still have a close and ongoing relationship, so I guess it doesn't always turn out bad. Still, I don't write a lot about this person anymore, except in the most loving of ways. Not that I'm hiding anything. I have a great affection for both of these people.

I had an inkling of a feeling that one of my family members was reading my blog for awhile. Maybe they still are. I don't always say kind things about my family. I guess perhaps that falls under the heading of I can talk about them but you can't because they're mine. But my feelings are mine, too. My confusion is mine. The work I'm doing on the relationships I have is mine. But the job I do on unsuspecting victims, well, maybe that's not all mine.

I always feel torn between whether I should shut my blog down and stop writing out in the open. What right do I have to insinuate other people in my neuroses? I don't know, I don't know. What else is there to blog about?