9:40ish pmSmoking on the front porch. I was gonna go to bed at 9, but I got caught up in this PBS documentary called "Do You Speak American?" It's fascinating, but it's three hours long! I finally just pulled myself away.
I'm in this weird place lately. I don't feel depressed but I'm having a hard time doing anything. I finished a "new, improved" Regenbogen board on the back of a Chinese calendar yesterday and I was anxious to pay a game (by myself, the only option, I felt). I came home from work at 5 and sat at the island and played a round. I let Jesse in the back yard and turned around to set up the board for Round 2, but one of the green raindrops was missing. I took it as a sign that I needed to get highlighting - in front of the TV, which eventually led to getting high.
I was thinking earlier today that I need to go on a habit hiatus. My plan (resolution, if you will) was to meditate more and write more this year. I guess I am writing, but I'm not meditating at all, and I'm not writing in a way that I feel is moving me toward something. Maybe that's not true. Maybe all of this journaling is good enough for right now. I just don't feel like I'm able to do anything, that it takes a great effort to not just be lazy.
I spoke with a woman from the Vital Theatre group yesterday (or today maybe) and now I need to call F and ask him to help me further on the C&D project, and for some reason I'm hesitant to call and ask him. But I have to call him. There's no way around it. i don't know if it's the fact that I don't want to ask him for a favor, or if I just don't want to have to do something. I'm protesting my creativity.
Or, no, that's not it. In the middle of working on the Regenbogen board I started coloring some xerox copies of a xeroxed picture of one of the clients from Co., and then I found myself working on a larger version, drawing it then coloring it with markers. I have such a fun collection of colored markers; I rediscovered them while working on the game board.
So I'm not lacking creativity, I'm lacking discipline. And I guess that's why I was thinking I need to stop smoking put and drinking so much alcohol. But what about cigarettes? I know I could stand to lay off of {sic} all of it.
I was thinking today that I should go back to meditating with the Buddhist group on Sunday mornings. I was thinking today that I want to try improv. Well, I was thinking last night - or recently - that I'd like to be able to take a class in standup, and then I was reading through The Scene this morning and there was a listing under the auditions section for an improv show called "How We Met," or something like that, and I was thinking I should audition for that. I wrote the number and email address down on a piece of paper, along with a not to call F.
I didn't do either of them. I didn't get much highlighting done because the highlighters I need are either missing or dried up (I'm talking about orange and purple), and the how I was watching was so interesting, I put down the highlight work and got high and that was that.
I was thinking today that I really want to start going to the gym again. I've been thinking about that for a while, and I went so far as going last night after work and just sitting in the steam room for awhile, for my back. But I didn't go back tonight after work. That's how I've worked myself into going to the gym before, just going in and steaming and/or shaving and showering. I like going to the gym. I like working out.
I like writing, for that matter. I'm just having major issues right now with discipline. I guess at least I'm not depressed.
I'm in this weird place lately. I don't feel depressed but I'm having a hard time doing anything. I finished a "new, improved" Regenbogen board on the back of a Chinese calendar yesterday and I was anxious to pay a game (by myself, the only option, I felt). I came home from work at 5 and sat at the island and played a round. I let Jesse in the back yard and turned around to set up the board for Round 2, but one of the green raindrops was missing. I took it as a sign that I needed to get highlighting - in front of the TV, which eventually led to getting high.
I was thinking earlier today that I need to go on a habit hiatus. My plan (resolution, if you will) was to meditate more and write more this year. I guess I am writing, but I'm not meditating at all, and I'm not writing in a way that I feel is moving me toward something. Maybe that's not true. Maybe all of this journaling is good enough for right now. I just don't feel like I'm able to do anything, that it takes a great effort to not just be lazy.
I spoke with a woman from the Vital Theatre group yesterday (or today maybe) and now I need to call F and ask him to help me further on the C&D project, and for some reason I'm hesitant to call and ask him. But I have to call him. There's no way around it. i don't know if it's the fact that I don't want to ask him for a favor, or if I just don't want to have to do something. I'm protesting my creativity.
Or, no, that's not it. In the middle of working on the Regenbogen board I started coloring some xerox copies of a xeroxed picture of one of the clients from Co., and then I found myself working on a larger version, drawing it then coloring it with markers. I have such a fun collection of colored markers; I rediscovered them while working on the game board.
So I'm not lacking creativity, I'm lacking discipline. And I guess that's why I was thinking I need to stop smoking put and drinking so much alcohol. But what about cigarettes? I know I could stand to lay off of {sic} all of it.
I was thinking today that I should go back to meditating with the Buddhist group on Sunday mornings. I was thinking today that I want to try improv. Well, I was thinking last night - or recently - that I'd like to be able to take a class in standup, and then I was reading through The Scene this morning and there was a listing under the auditions section for an improv show called "How We Met," or something like that, and I was thinking I should audition for that. I wrote the number and email address down on a piece of paper, along with a not to call F.
I didn't do either of them. I didn't get much highlighting done because the highlighters I need are either missing or dried up (I'm talking about orange and purple), and the how I was watching was so interesting, I put down the highlight work and got high and that was that.
I was thinking today that I really want to start going to the gym again. I've been thinking about that for a while, and I went so far as going last night after work and just sitting in the steam room for awhile, for my back. But I didn't go back tonight after work. That's how I've worked myself into going to the gym before, just going in and steaming and/or shaving and showering. I like going to the gym. I like working out.
I like writing, for that matter. I'm just having major issues right now with discipline. I guess at least I'm not depressed.
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