focus on family

I drove to Houston day before yesterday to pick up my friend A3* -- there for a speaking engagement from Nashville. I went a day early because her gig (which I agreed to videotape) was in the morning, and decided it would be a nice gesture to take my mom out for birthday dinner at Olive Garden (her choice; fine by me if she considers that upscale dining). It was such a whirlwind of excitement. My middle sister D2 just found out through her ex-father-in-law that her middle child (her youngest from her first marriage) is pregnant with twins. My mother was all like "Can you imagine?" I said, "How old is D3?" She said, "It's not about her age, it's about her being D3." (She's 20.) I didn't understand, but I find myself just not poking and prodding at the incomprehensible parts because the parts I can comprehend are baffling enough to keep me busy. D3 hasn't spoken to her mother since D2's first husband (D3's father) died and D3 didn't feel like D2 was there for her, "Whatever that means," mom told me.

R2 recently lost both of her children, D4 (yeah, there are a lot of "D's" in my family, and they all sound pretty much alike) had to go to a Christian rehab organization "to get himself on the right track," as my mom put it, in California, and R2 (R1's daughter) decided to move in with her dad, also in California. R2 is bi-polar (when it was diagnosed, my mom said, "Duh!" My mom who shows a lot of the same symptoms but hasn't been diagnosed with is, so she doesn't have to take medicine or the blame for it). R1 lives not far from mom on the Southeast side of Houston with her boyfriend, B2. I asked how R1 is doing with the empty nest. (She had sent out a plea to everyone to please send prayers and letters to D4 so he knows he is loved while he's getting himself on the right track... and to R2, too, "if you want"); my mom rolled her eyes and said, "She's fine..." in a way that really meant "R1 is R1..."

J3 gave me an earful about my mom's older brother C2. J3 loves to gossip, but he tends to put a lot of his opinions about how things ought to be. (He also likes to talk about money, his, mine, A3's even, whom he has never met... When I told him I was in town to pick her up, and told him that she was in Texas for a speaking engagement, he said, "She must make pretty good money doing that, huh?" I said, "I have no idea." He said, "Well, I've known people who do that, and they make a lot of money." He was always confused as to why S1 and I didn't make a lot of money in the music business. But that's J3). I didn't pay much attention to what he said about Uncle C2. But shortly thereafter, my mom told me what was going on with C2. It's really tragic.

C2 is past retirement age, I think, but he can't afford to retire. He had a lover who died of AIDS several years ago (five or more), and he never got over it. But then when his mother died (two years ago) he started slipping deeper into depression. Then he got involved with a 20-something year old crack-addicted bisexual go-go dance he met at a gay bar. This guy stole his credit card and worked out a scam with a convenience store worker to charge gas bought for cash on the card, and the two of them split the money. His card got cut off; C2 found out. He was suddenly in deep water financial. His best friend had also already called my mother to tell her he thought C2 was in trouble... My mother got it out of C2 when she was loaning him money to get him out of deep water. He said he would get rid of the boy, but instead he got rid of the best friend. Apparently, the boy has a huge cock. The last time I talked to my uncle, I took him out for lunch and he told me about the boy (and the cock), and it made me uncomfortable and sad. And I just can't really find my way to being useful in my uncle's life, even though (or because) he has moved three or four times in the past six months, and the boy has sold all of his belongings several times in order to by drugs (presumably), and still C2 won't get rid of him.

What really saddens me is that C2 is now getting beaten up, and my mother's response is, "Okay, I'll give you this money and you can do whatever you want with it, but this kid is gonna kill you, you know that don't you?" C2 told her a while back that he was taking some clothes out of the dryer, fell and cracked three ribs and got a black eye. When he told my mom, she said she didn't have any reason not to believe him, but then two weeks later he called to tell her he fell in the shower and had to get three stitches in his head, and she was like, "What's going on?" He only told her because he needed the money for doctor bills, but it doesn't sound like he's being totally upfront about where all the money is going. What to do? I feel judgmental of my mother for not doing more, but what am I doing? There are a few things I'm not being upfront about regarding my relationship with my uncle....

Today, I got an email from my mom forwarded from an email sent to her by her Jesus-lovin' younger sister. Aunt S2's email message said, "Praise God for a man with backbone!" It had been forwarded to her by her husband, whose email message said, "A Terrific Answer. This is fantastic. And in the middle of a presidential debate. Amen" It was video file of Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee answering the question of Creationism vs. Evolutionism.

I came up with this email to send to everybody:

To my well-meaning family:
I am a registered Democrat. Although I don't feel like there are a lot of good choices in the upcoming presidential election, I am in no way swayed by the beliefs of any of the Republican candidates. I am more likely to vote for a Green party candidate or an Independent than a Republican. So, I don't need to receive your thoughts on "good candidates," because I simply don't agree with you.
There seems to be a confusion by some about the separation of Church and State. I am a firm believer in this idea. I don't think religion and politics should be mixed; it confuses the issues, and as much as "religious freedom" (pro or con), is what this country was founded on. So, believe what you want, but please leave me out of your process. Thanks!
With love, jdjb

I haven't sent it yet.