s'experiment

I meditated for five minutes with my erect penis in my hands. I was feeling very distracted trying to work, and wanting to masturbate (because that sometimes temporarily dissipates the distraction). But really not wanting to masturbate.

So I tried something. I got the kitchen timer and my meditation cushion, plopped it in the middle of the living room floor, dropped my pants and pushed START on the timer and held onto myself. It wasn't masturbation; it wasn't even really much movement, I just wrapped both hands around my dick and balls.

Of course I got an erection. But I just held it, just let the heat of my hands go into it, and the throbbing of blood pulse back against the palms of my hands.

Five minutes is a long time when you haven't meditated in awhile! And of course my thoughts wandered. I thought about my yoga teacher on whom I distracting crush, I thought of the young straight guy who was experimenting and with whom I had a momentary sexual exchange a couple of summers ago.

When the beeper went off, I released myself, stood up still erect for the moment, pulled up my pants, put the timer away and came back to my desk to work, and then decided to blog. I think the urge to masturbate really has passed. For now.