mum

I don't know if it's related, but since I masturbated two days ago, I've met four very nice men and one not very nice one! I feel somewhat stunted in writing about these meetings because of my intention to not offend anyone via my blog. Or it's not even about offending them, just not writing about anybody.

S gets written about because we live together and I do most of the things that I don't do alone with him. He doesn't seem to mind. But I don't complain about him too much. If I have a complaint (which really isn't often), I'll go directly to him. To air that out on my blog after the fact seems to me unnecessary since I don't blog to tell the world what I've done (necessarily) but rather to work things out, in my own mind. Or if they don't need working out, I guess it's more about writing it out just to see how it looks. It's more for me. But I'm happy to let you look at what I've written.

But I'm rambling all around the subject of these men.

Three of the five men I'm sure were gay; the other (more recent) two, I'm not so sure. I almost kissed one of them (one of the gay ones). --Well, that's not exactly right. I was leaning toward him and he cocked his head a little, the way a person does when they're gonna get kissed, but I wasn't leaning in for a kiss; seriously, I was looking at something over his shoulder.

In fact, it took me walking home and crawling into bed before it struck me (quite suddently) that he was thinking I was coming in for a kiss. I called him the next day and said something silly pick-up-liney like, "I think I missed an opportunity last night." He said, "What opportunity was that?" And I said, "The opportunity to kiss you!" Come to find out, he has a boyfriend, but he didn't say he wasn't cocking his head in anticipation of a kiss and I didn't push him on it. I didn't really care. The bf word pushed me away. Not in a bad way. In a good way. I was thinking the night before as I lay in bed that I really missed an opportunity, and I was kicking myself for being so socially inept. But if I did miss an opportunity, it was to have possibly done something that this guy was less than likely to have done had he not been kind of drunk. And I don't want that kind of thing in my life, that behind-the-boyfriend's back thing.

I really wish I could report on how I met those three men, and what the not very nice one said (because it's funny, and likely that he wasn't being mean just for meanness sake but rather to be funny, which is okay, and it really wasn't all that mean, and was really rather funny, but I can't write about it-- argh!).

I wish I could report on where I met the other two guys, more recently, whose proclivities I'm not sure of. One of the two I think is quite cute, and I got the feeling he was shooting some interested vibes my direction. But the fact that I can't say anything about it, about him, about the type of person he appears to be, the way he was with me, et ceter,a makes this whole entry a waste of space.