spinning out of the din of the den

I'm somewhat of a late-comer to the political process. I blame it on my fucked up religious upbringing -- and why not?! Basically, I always saw politics as similar to religion in that someone was hollering about this is Right and that is Wrong, then somebody on the other side would holler, no, this is Right and that is Wrong. The difference in politics is that the two sides get together and holler at each other, and neither of them make much sense.

I'd always been a reluctant voter; my decisions were based mostly on what my Right Wing anti-everything (except Life and the Hereafter) family would vote for, and then vote the opposite. When I was 19, I refused to talk about politics with my outspoken boss because, I said, I didn't know enough to back up my thoughts. She said it was my duty to figure out what I stood for and spout it off whenever possible. My mom and grandmother were outspoken women, so that didn't really convince me of anything.

But now we have this current election. I believe this is the most important election of my lifetime, maybe of all times. It is certainly a history-maker no matter how it turns out (though I am completely serious when I say I will start looking for an alternative country to call home if the McCain camp wins). Fortunately, I have S on my side. He's a pretty smart guy, he's willing to explain the stuff that I don't get, two or three times if necessary until I understand it or decide it doesn't really matter.

I first got caught up in the election fever when I suggested to S that I would vote for Hillary in the primaries, way back when they first became candidates. S pointed out his thoughts on Clinton and Obama, so I started paying more attention and quickly came to realize that Obama was a candidate who has represented me more than any other candidate ever has. Mostly in the sense that, in S's words, "he brings compassion to politics." That's what I want, a president who is compassionate, who thinks about the majority.

I'll admit that my first concern about Obama getting elected was that he might get assassinated. It's a real fear. I'm sure his camp is aware of the possibility. There are definitely relatives of mine who categorically wouldn't vote for Obama because of his race. That's one reason why I would, to be honest; that was one reason I thought I'd vote for Hillary -- probably the biggest and maybe only reason in the beginning -- because she is a woman.

But then there came this Sarah Palin political embarrassment. The fact that she is from the same wacky religion that I grew up in cause me to become obsessed with the news coverage on her and all things Election '08. At this point, the frenzy has died down, thankfully, and my fears have mostly subsided about the possibility that she could get any nearer to the White House than she already is. I've made some campaign contributions to Obama, I've bought bumper stickers and T-shirts that I wear whenever possible. (Besides, if the unthinkable happens, Spain or Italy might be very nice choices for residency.)

Last night, a group of us met at M&J's for the first presidential debate. There were ten or twelve adults in all, and it was obvious very early into what I thought was a very important event, that the atmosphere in their den was more like one at a sporting event. People around me were very vocal, particularly when McCain was speaking, saying "You're a fucking idiot!" or "That's a lie!" so loud as to blot out any ability to comprehend what he was saying. While Obama spoke, the audience was a little more reverent but there were still outbursts of things like "Yeah!" or "Give it to that fucking idiot, Obama!"

S and P and I inched closer and closer to the TV. A couple of times, I made comments like "I'd like to hear what he has to say," and the adult-children tried to hold down their exuberance, but it was difficult for them; that's just the kind of people they are. Me, I'm admittedly slower to catch on to what all of the subtelties mean; I need time to think about what is being said, perhaps listen to the reporters spin it, read Andrew Sullivan's blog, or ask S or someone else for explanations, or just hear what they think.

As soon as the debate was over, there was that interaction, but I felt cornered. "What did you think?" and "Don't you think Obama should have done this?" I don't know. That's what I said. I don't know. It seemed the consensus was that Obama should have "slam dunked" McCain early in the debate, put him on the defensive, hit him with a left hook then carried the ball down the track for a home run...

But that's not the way I see Obama, and that seems to me to be why this presidential race is different. This isn't a blood sport to Obama. He comes off as level-headed, intelligent and prepared. And compassionate. That above all. He seems really compassionate. For the first time in my life last night I thought what an honor and a thrill it would be to meet the president, to meet someone like Barack Obama.