belinda walked past

Belinda stood in the middle of the street, in the shadows of the pecan branches on her flower print skirt, her black top hiked over her left breast, baby Carson close to it, his lips swollen from sucking, but satisfied; her nipple stiff and rigid, a little goddess statue on a soft, freckled hill.

She doesn't wait tables anymore, doesn't write anymore, doesn't skate with the girls anymore; she met a handsome young man in the neighborhood -- forever childlike with his protruding ears, button nose and wide-set eye, forever cool with his tattooed sleeves -- and decided to stick with something for a change.

Their firstborn Piper, now four years old, in her dirty pink dress with the daisy applique, stood in the gutter rearranging the dried brown leaves, stepping up on the curb, stepping down, busy in her world, aware of the dead and shriveled cacti not too far away, an old woman with sharp, brittle nails.

This wasn't Piper's yard. It wasn't much of a yard at all, five feet from curb to door, a sidewalk up the middle with gravel mostly, but also the cacti and a discarded chest-of-drawers with one drawer missing. But if it were a yard it wouldn't be hers as this house wasn't hers. This was the house across the side street from Belinda and Paul's house.

Belinda bought her house and renovated it after her mother died. It was one of the first houses in the neighborhood to get that treatment. This was around the time of all the other young men in the neighborhood, the gatherings, the parties, the regular sex. Belinda used to be a wild one, used to party with her girlfriends around the clock, used to hook up with the guys in the cheap-rent rundown duplex apartments and tiny shacks.

She would tell you that her house used to be known as the Home for Wayward Boys because of all the activity she saw. She would tell you that in a neighborly way, as if to say her life was an open book, in hopes that yours would be, too.

But then she settled down. This Paul guy. He had it more together than those other guys; he had a job with the State, health insurance, paid vacations, a future. He also had two pre-teen daughters and an unhappy marriage. But Belinda saw something in him. She took him in. Took it all in, the girls, his divorce, their marriage (she kept her name), plans for a bigger family.

The two young men who lived in the shack across the street fancied themselves as punks, with their radical hairdos and no a/c. They lay around the front room on the bed in their underwear or cutoff black jeans; they walked around the neighborhood like that, their smooth bodies bared, on hot and humid August days when a walk to create a slight breeze more refreshing than lying still.

Belinda could see them from the bathroom window. They could see her, too. Nobody made mention of it, least of all Belinda. The guys made no crude remarks, just kept their eyes trained on the light that sometimes lit up that window, and they watched in gentle wonderment the occasional glimpse of a naked breast, full of milk, glowing in the steam covered pane.

One time Billy got to watch her rub lotion under her breasts in front of the mirror. He got an erection, turned off the bedside lamp and masturbated as she seemed to look out at him approvingly and fondle herself.

Billy and John looked a lot alike in their house. They were more easily distinguished in their late night rock club circle, but in their shack they melted into one another. Belinda introduced herself and Paul and the kids to them as they passed by on one of their walks and the two guys were sitting on the front door step. She knew there was a Billy and a John, but she could never remember which was which. She even commented to Paul that they should get some tattoos so she could tell them apart!

They were nice to everybody. If you walked or rode your bike or even drove by and looked in at them on the bed, they always smiled unabashedly and waved or at least tipped their chins your way.

Belinda took to walking more after Carson was born. She and Paul and the now teen girls (when they were staying with them), Piper, Carson, the dog and cat walked every evening, mostly with the intent to get the "baby fat" off of Belinda's body. And since it wasn't enough, Belinda started taking a second walk some days when she had the time.

On one of those walks, Piper paused at the curb on the side street to pick up a leaf. Instead of continuing on and calling after her daughter as usual, Belinda stopped in the middle of the deserted street from Piper. Carson was coming off of her breast, his head limp, his eyes floating back in their sockets.

Belinda didn't notice Billy right away on the bed in his white-white briefs, in the shadow of the house insides. She couldn't see the erection growing as she rocked back and forth to soothe the baby on to sleep, but she saw his hand darken the front of his crotch as he adjusted himself.

Piper was enthralled with her new playground, the crunching leaves under her tennis shoes, the perfect curb with its line of yellow weeds growing in a straight line up the seam.

Belinda took a step closer to the house, her face now shaded by an overhead branch. She could see the young man, his nipples, his eyes, his legs, feet dangling off the bed soles toward her. She could see his hand on his underwear.

A car turned the corner and slowed as it approached the scene. It was the gay couple from around the corner. Belinda spun around and offered her usual randy greeting to her neighbors as she tugged her black top down over her exposed breast. Carson was jarred half-awake in the process; he sat propped in her arms as the adults talked; her hands were busy all over him.

When the gay guys were gone, Belinda couldn't look back into the house. The inviting shadows played in her peripheral vision but she couldn't look. The sun shadows danced on her face but she couldn't move back to her previous position, to her better vantage point.

Piper's shadow was bent across the curb; Belinda looked at that for a moment then called out sweetly, "Come on, baby." She walked on and Piper reluctantly followed.