august chagrin

I'm ready to upload chapter eight ("march eighth") to the yahoo group as my January 30th submission for my fiction critiquing group, and started thinking about chapter nine ("anita cox"), but a strong inspiration for chapter twenty-two ("august chagrin") came to mind yesterday as I was sitting on the porch with an afternoon smoke.

I've been trying to figure out how to tell this chapter in first person because the narrator (Randy) is not present for much of the beginning part. I think I found a way to do that.

The bulk of the chapter takes place in 1989, but it starts on December 31, 1988. It moves forward from there, with Randy getting ready for his New Year's Eve celebrations. He is at home snorting a line of coke to get him off the couch and into the shower. His thoughts go out from there, to the unknown elements of New York City, to people in his building; to his friend Charles, whose party he will be attending (a party to which it is rumored gay icon Quentin Crisp has RSVP'd); to people on the streets -- City employees barricading Times Square, NYPD officers redirecting traffic; busy restaurants, one in particular, Giggles, where a bartender has failed to show up and the lunchtime bartender is required to stay until another night bartender can be located, or else he'll lose his job. That bartender (Gus) calls his "roommate" (as he refers to his boyfriend at work) to tell him (Spider) that he'll be late, but gets a busy signal.

I wrote three pages last night then expanded the three to about twenty this morning. I should be working my job but I'm possessed by chapter twenty-two; I should be working on chapter nine but I'm obsessed by the action taking place in chapter twenty-two. How exciting Inspiration is!

Spider is a junkie artist. His boyfriend the bartender doesn't know this. Gus doesn't do drugs and doesn't even drink much. And he's not sure his decision to move to New York City to live with his boyfriend was such a good idea; three months in things aren't going so well.

But even though he has accidentally knocked the phone off the hook, Spider has the best of intentions on this New Year's Eve. He is going to make it all up to Gus; he is going to apologize; they're gonna have the best time in Times Square (their first New Year's Eve in New York City) because he has gotten a couple hits of acid to enhance the experience.

He's starting to get pissed off, though, because Gus isn't home from work yet like he said he would be. It's getting close to the time when they were planning to leave for the night. Spider knows he's acted like a dick for the previous three months, and has his suspicions that Gus is getting him back, finally, has decided to start being a dick of retribution. Spider doesn't blame him but, goddammit he wishes he would give him five minutes to explain things.

Gus doesn't know Spider has a heroin addiction; that happened in the four months Spider was in New York City alone, before Gus got there. Gus thinks Spider's friend Chase is an asshole, but really, Chase isn't Spider's friend at all, he's his dealer, and the reason he's never said so much as boo to Gus is because Spider told him not to. Chase is an attractive guy, and Gus has had his suspicions about Spider's relationship with him, but Spider insists that it's completely platonic; "Chase is straight -- or bisexual anyway -- and currently involved with a woman." Spider thinks Gus is getting him back; Gus is bisexual, too. But if they can just have this night together, he is sure that everything will be fine.

Spider takes his hit of acid and while he waits for it to start taking effect decides to slip Gus' hit to him "mickey-style" in a cocktail he will have ready for him when he finally does get home. After Gus starts tripping, it'll be too late to turn back, and Spider is sure Gus won't be able to help but enjoy himself.

That's Spider's plan.

Only he can't find the second hit of acid. He realizes as he starts feeling intense that he accidentally took both hits of acid. And now he's going to trip hard. He decides a quick fix of junk will calm him down. He gets the works out of the hiding place in the back of the closet and tries to prepare it in the closet as usual, but he's tripping harder and his eyes are fucking with him and his hands are shaking and something catches on fire. He puts it out but not before setting off the smoke alarm, which he has to destroy to get the screaming to stop.

Eventually Spider makes his way to the kitchen table with the works and Gus comes through the front door of the apartment (which opens into the kitchen) to find Spider intently watching the flame of the lighter under the spoon with the junk in it, heroin and needles on the table, a rubber strap around his arm. It goes downhill from there. (That's all I've got written down.)

Later that night, Randy and Gus meet.