fagophobia

I have been enjoying my comedy improv class, feeling confident, feeling capable. I took this class a year or so ago (Level One), and felt pretty out of place. The experience made me feel like a GOB (Gay, Old, and Big - so I stood out). This time around, it has had a different feeling right from the start. At first, I attributed this to the fact that my classmates were a more diverse, more talented group of people than my first time. I think that at least the diversity thing is correct - previously they were mostly straight white male 20-somethings. This time there are more women, there is more ethnic diversity (black, Asian, Indian), so the straight white male thing is balanced out a little bit. They're still mostly (or totally) straight - except for me and my lesbian friend M who I talked into taking the class with me, but who hasn't been going much lately (not because she feels like a GOB, though, I don't think).

I also thought my comfort level had something to do with one of my teachers, the female one. And that may be the case as well, but halfway through this eight-week session, she and my straight white male 20-something teacher from last year got kicked out of the company for irreconcilable differences between them and the three other members of the company (all SWM20s). The female teacher was there on Tuesday nights; my Saturday teacher was/is a performer I've never been particularly impressed with; not like her, whom I think hangs the stars in the improv sky. But I liked their two teaching styles together, and since I could and can go to any class my level or lower for free, I found myself going to both.

Then, when she got ousted, my Saturday teacher took over the Tuesday night classes as well, and I didn't go at first (in a sort of silent protest of what was "done to" my favorite teacher). But then somewhere in there, a shift happened. I realized I was "getting it," and I realized that my Saturday teacher was doing me a lot of good. So here's the dilemma: Do I take Level Two at this theater (I'm not sure who the teacher is; I don't think it's him, and I worry that it might be one of the theater company's SWM20s, whom I have never had much of a connection with, and don't think much of two of the three's improv stage work), or do I go over to the ousted two's new company they're starting, and take a Level One class.

The bonus about that is that it would be free, and I like that idea since I've had a 25% cut in pay recently and I've gotten one-and-a-half checks reflecting the cut, and it hurts! I'd also be taking from this woman, whose teaching style I really love. Or, I might be taking from her company partner, whose teaching style I don't particularly love.

This came up for me last night because I went to see a sketch comedy show hosted by these two people. They were doing tryouts for a scout from the Montreal Comedy Festival. I didn't realize the show was going to be all sketch as opposed to improv, but when I found out (after the show had started), I was game.

I stayed for maybe six of nine or 10 acts. And in four out of those six, there was some sort of comedic gay play-acting going on onstage. I tried to remain open, but somehow it felt rude to me. I don't identify so strongly as a homosexual (maybe there's the rub), but it struck me that if they were pretending to be black - actually, in one of the six, they did address that - or if they talked about boobs or sex a lot - actually, in another of the six, they addressed that as well - it might have been different.

The difference was, in the act where a guy wiped fake shit on his face to pretend he was black, it seemed like a strong statement, or if not a statement, certainly safe territory in the context of what they were presenting. In the graphic sexual content scene, one guy was supposed to be telling horror stories and kept telling pornographic stories instead to a group of "fellow children" they were playing, and the others were all offended by his stories. His inappropriateness was, in the end, funny.

But with regards to the homosexual stuff, one group of two guys had a "robot" onstage which kept announcing that they were "gay" and "faggots," etc. (It was a malfunctioning robot which also said "I Hate Black People" when they asked about the president.) But then they went on to call each other homos behind the other's back, and then did a musical number in which they professed their heterosexuality, and then one ended up jabbing a sword up the other's ass. And then there were hidden videos of each other "masturbating," one to porn, the other to "The Golden Girls," and then the first one again masturbating to a video of the second one masturbating to "The Golden Girls."

In another scene, two guys needed a third, a stranger, to sit between them on a plane as a "gay buffer," which was a pretty funny scene. When the stranger got mad and left, they were inextricably drawn to each other in their pink polo shirts... But then they ruined it (in my opinion), by going on and on about how they're not really gay, they're just playing characters. It sounds kind of benign to write it, but there was something about their attitude (and the audience's reaction) that was a bit hurtful to me.

It made me wonder if this is a good outlet for my creative talents. I don't see myself doing "gay" comedy - though I do think it would be fun (and have suggested it to M) to do "cover" versions of old Nichols & May sketches. When I suggested it to M, she said, "We can add some queer elements," which kind of annoyed me. But then I realized that my intention was that we would switch roles, she would play the Mike Nichols characters and I would play the Elaine May characters. So, I don't know, maybe the lady who doth protest too much is me!

But I wonder if this is the type of performers my "favorite" improv teacher and the other one draw to them. Maybe I'm projecting too much. I've obviously got some more growing to do, and some comfort level and clarity still to find in certain situations.