nature rages on

I just flicked a wasp off of the wing of a butterfly. I know I can't save all the creatures in the world. In fact, last week, I was tearing open the web sacks of the worms in the pecan trees outside so that wasps could get at the worms and kill them. Wasps were flying around with baby worms like cotton balls as big as their heads and I thought, "Cool." Nature is so harsh sometimes. The wasp flew to a nearby dutchman's pipe vine (that the butterfly in a different form had eaten a week or so ago) and the butterfly crawled through the chicken wire into the garden and rested there, so close to death; perhaps it had already come to terms with its death and was wonder What happened? Then again, I'm not so sure how much nature on that scale has the ability to wonder at all.

I've been reading Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan's very interesting book about...food, basically, and our relationship with the things that become our food. I keep it on the kitchen table and read it mostly over breakfast and lunch, which goes against the Buddhist precept of not multi-tasking. But this works for me; in fact, it seems very related. Just before I got to the chapter where he becomes a "reluctant vegetarian" (near the end, but I'm pretty sure he turns around again in the end), I was at the Alamo Drafthouse watching Rolling Family, a very entertaining film about a dozen family members piling into a homemade pickup camper to travel 750 miles for a family wedding somewhere in Argentina, and I saw on the Drafthouse menu "The Big (Organic) One":

1/3 LB OF ALL NATURAL GRASS-FED, HORMONE-FREE, ORGANIC TEXAS BEEF ON A TOASTED SWEET BUN WITH ORGANIC ROSEMARY AIOLI, TOMATOES, SPRING ONION, ROAST RED PEPPERS, SPINACH AND A SALAD WITH BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE.

I consider myself a vegetarian, mostly for the love of animals -- though I do hate on a fish once in a while, sometimes because I feel the need for a blast of protein, or because someone is feeding me and fish is all that is available -- and I haven't eaten red meat in ten years or more (I can't remember the last time; I do remember being invited by neighbors in NYC for dinner when my then boyfriend J was out of town, and they served me steak... and that was 1989), but because of my current reading material, and because of the description, I ordered the burger. It was tasty, for sure. But I remembered soon after I ate it, and for several hours after, what I don't like about red meat: It makes my teeth feel weird, like there's gristle caught between every last one of them, pushing for space in my mouth and making my gums tickle. And in fact when I flossed that night, the dental floss had a hard time getting in and out of the spaces between my teeth. And I won't go into the smell of my humanure the next day(s) after having the red meat, assuming that's what it was from.

On a lighter (and much healthier) note, I bought a bicycle. Talk about Nature! Ah, I love this bike. And I'm proud to say that I am the first man in Austin to own one, at least according to the Bicycle Sport Shop staff (who all seemed to be jealous of me as I left the store). My maiden voyage was from my apartment to yoga, 1.9 miles away. S and I have been collecting maps on our kitchen walls, and one of them happened to be an old Austin Bike Map, which I took down and found the best route to my yoga teacher's apartment. At two different places on the map, under the street name, it said "(steep)". It should have said, "(no, really!)". Damn, I got my exercise before I even stepped onto my mat, and shortly into my practice, sweat was pouring out of every pore and my mat was squeaky! Of course, that had something (perhaps a lot) to do with the fact that it was 96 degrees outside when I went to yoga, but I loved it. I love it!

I did the ride again the following day, and then last night rode to Dance (3.3 miles, according to Google Maps, but it's probably longer by bike). I love my bike so much, I practically sleep with it! I named it The Professor in memory of my dearly departed friend J, late husband of A. Last Sunday, over dinner at Chez Nous, we talked about Paris, about A and her family's plans to go there in March to spread J's ashes and do some rituals in his honor on the one-year anniversary of his death. I talked about wanting to go along, and A was all for it. But then I bought the bike and decided that I could either afford the bike or the trip. But since then, the office manager -- and friend -- at the company in NYC that I work for said I simply MUST go. And she got me all excited about the trip, so I'll figure out where the money will come from. My goal for the past several years has been to get out of debt -- and that remains my goal -- but as my friend C in Florida says, "Don't let money rule your life." I agree, and I used to say that's why I need to be out of debt, so that money won't rule my life. But this seems like an opportunity not to pass up, so I'll figure out the money stuff later.

Look at The Professor; isn't he a beauty?!